A modern Lord's Prayer25 March 2008Ah, Easter. A time to celebrate and reflect on the resurrection. A time to spend with family. A time to appreciate fine chocolate and embrace the spirit of giving.
And a time to champion a man who pioneered the cultivation of quality facial growth for generations to come, our Lord Jesus Christ.
When I sit around and reflect on the more important issues in life, like the Tibetan protesters currently challenging the Chinese government in an Olympic year, the quality of Christ's beard is something I also ponder.
From all reports and reading from the time, the man loved his beard. I often wonder how many others throughout history chose to follow the example set by the great man in terms of quality facial growth.
Along with all the other glorious achievements He contributed for the greater good of mankind, this perhaps is the most understated.
In keeping with the theme of the religious significance of Easter, I've penned a tribute about Christ and his beard.
It reads:
Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy beard
Thy Kingdom come, thine will be grown, not clipped, not shaved, not plucked
Give us this day our daily growth, and deliver us from razors,
as we forgive those who shave against the grain
For the beard is the kingdom, the power and the glory.
Amen
Web editor,
Heinrich O'Hare.
Sport the winning look9 March 2008Watching the celebrations of the victorious Indian cricket team in India this week got me to thinking... now here is a nation who truly value the worth of a beard. A country with a population of around one billion people where men proudly sport a cultivated, quality growth.
The Indian cricket team may have experienced a bitter, sledge-filled summer on Australian soil, but as soon as they arrived home they were afforded a heroes' welcome. For me, the best part of the celebrations were the flowing manes on many of the fans' faces.
Which got me to thinking about some of the legends of Australian sport who have also enjoyed sporting some quality facial growth.
Much to the dismay of my nemesis Pedknob over at the prissy, la-di-da site The FHLO, names like Dennis Lillee, Merv Hughes, David Boon and Rod Marsh have sported some of the trendiest 'stashes in town.
Kirk Reynoldson at the St George Illawarra Dragons also grows a mean beard, while back in the day of rugby league in the 80s Ray Price, Eric Grothe and Geoff Robinson were famed wild men whose full beards made them look as mean as a day laying concrete.
And it doesn't stop at India. Internationally some of the biggest names in world sport have sculpted a quality facial creation, with men like Sir Vivian Richards and Sir Richard Hadlee underlining how Knighthood can await those sporting icons who can also grow a top-shelf beard.
Without a doubt it's a winner's look. Let it grow men.
Web editor,
Heinrich O'Hare.
Mardi Gras time18 Feb 2008To all of you metro-sexual face-moisturisers who spend far too much time playing with the product in your hair while looking in the mirror, I give you this suggestion...
Take out your prettiest highlighter and mark down the date March 1, 2008 (aka Mardi Gras) when you can go and frollick with all the like-minded men who take pride in waxing, shaving their backs, sacks and cracks.
Perhaps you could wear your favourite Borat mankini. And some glittler that sparkles. In particular, I would like to mention the self-appointed authority on the culling of natural growth, Pedro the pruner from The FHLO.
Pedro, why don't you put down your caprioska and head out on to Oxford Street, where I'm sure the friendly and outgoing men involved in the parade will be only too happy to listen to you extolling the virtues of shaving et al on a daily basis.
Why Pedro, I'm sure the nice men would even let you star on your own float. Enjoy.
Web editor,
Heinrich O'Hare.
Celebrate Ned Kelly04 Feb 2008Good morning comrades,
This week I would like to celebrate the life of one of Australia's most famous beard-cultivators, a man of tremendous conviction who was willing to stand tall for what he believed in no matter the outcome, the outlaw bushranger Ned Kelly.
It may be over 100 years since Ned passed, but a visit to the current Sidney Nolan exhibition at the NSW Art Gallery earlier this week re-inforced the special place a well-sculptured growth has played throughout the history of Australian society.
Now depending on your viewpoint, Kelly was either a thief and an outlaw bandit who thumbed his nose at the law or a misunderstood pioneer framed by an over-zealous and corrupt legal system.
Either way, there can be no denying the quality and quantity of the beard our Ned cultivated. So we've decided to rate him no.1 in our top five beards of all time.
Here's our selections:
1. Ned Kelly
2. Aristotle
3. Lincoln
4. ZZ Top
5. Moses
Honourable mentions go to Santa Claus and Charles Darwin.
As ever, Growth Be Our Oath.
Web editor,
Heinrich O'Hare.
My bedroom exploits20 Jan 2008So, you're thinking about having a shave. You think 'smooth' attracts the ladies. My guess is you've been listening to that shallow little twerp Pedro Minetti who looks and behaves like a pre-pubescent school boy. Well, let me enlighten you as to how real men live.
All this nonsense about needing to clip one's face in order to attract the opposite sex is beginning to disturb my morning yoga. Rather than enjoying an empty-minded meditation I find myself reflecting on recent conquests in order to reassure myself that bearded is best.
As uncomfortable as I am about openly recounting my bedroom exploits, I feel bound to reassure my bearded brothers about the attraction of a cultivated growth. Just let me say this: last time I went looking for female company I was inundated with willing fillies. I sampled many (not necessarily on an individual basis) and wound up dating an underwear model named Ncki. I called it off due to being besotted with her twin (whom I'd also sampled).
I may be getting longer in the tooth but my strike rate remains in career-best form, and I attribute many of my recent dalliances to the sophisticated mane on my face.
For those of you considering the blasphemous act of picking up a razor, dare to be different and continue to sprout the ultimate symbol of masculinity.
To those of you who feel the need to clip your package all over, perhaps you would do well to have a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself whether you're really certain about your own sexuality.
As ever, Growth Be Our Oath.
Web editor,
Heinrich O'Hare.
Facial hair: a form of sexual sophistication02 Jan 2008Gentlemen,
Today's sermon addresses the issue of facial hair as a form of sexual sophistication. Normally I would loathe to discuss such a shallow subject matter but after my uncouth nemesis at our rival website saw fit to preach to the world about the benefits of shaving all over I feel compelled to respond.
Let me start by countering for hundreds of years now women have enjoyed the pleasures of the company of a man with a cultivated mane, from the dawning of time in fact.
To suggest that all women desire a preened and buffed Ken doll who probably spends far too much time looking in a gymnasium mirror flexing his muscles is simply preposterous.
I hate to name drop and enter the depthless world of Hollywood celebrities but the last time I checked George Clooney had been voted the world's sexiest man. And the last time I checked George Clooney was often sporting a full-blown grey beard.
So to you young, mobile phone-carrying, razor-wielding uneducated brats who clearly devote far too much time to self-centred activities, may I suggest spending some more quality time educating your mind.
I leave you with the challenge of perhaps pondering this proverb. If a tree is falling in the woods and there is no one around, does anyone hear it? Grow Free.
Web editor,
Heinrich O'Hare.
Liberate by letting it grow24 Dec 2007Gentlemen,
Let me start by saying let there be hair. Let if flow, let it curl, let it augment. Here at the Unshaven, we believe there was a reason why God created man to grow beards - because he wanted us to sport them. So please, live free, cultivate.
A beard shows maturity, intelligence and confidence. It underlines the fact you are not so vain you have to alter the way God wanted you to appear every morning by lacerating your face with a piece of sharpened steel.
Rather than wasting time shaving in the morning, you can ponder the ineptitude of many of today's world leaders, enjoy the flavour of herbal tea or have more time to spend with your family.
You can live free in the knowledge you do not subscribe to a vacuous and superficial existence in a world governed by money and materialism.
Which brings me to something brought to my attention by a fellow bearded friend of mine this week, where a rival website was espousing the virtues of getting rid of what God wanted us to grow.
A particularly narcissistic, shallow man saw fit to completely defame the merits of cultivation in an unprovoked and thoughtless attack. I suggest the individual in question keeps his uneducated thoughts to himself in future and lets the rest of us enjoy being liberated by letting it grow. Peace.
Web editor,
Heinrich O'Hare.
Internet Launch2 Oct 2007Gentlemen,
After centuries of operating a global organisation held together only by passion and our members' willingness to correspond by mail, we announce the launch of the official Unshaven website.
We offer our deepest gratitude to the webmaster Mr Arthur Long. At ninety eight Arthur is one of our longet serving members. Through the years Arthur has brought countless converts to the fold. The website gives him the opportunity to continue his excellent work. Thank you Arthur.
For those of you who do not know me, Heinrich O'Hare, I have been charged with the editing and moderation of the site by the Grand Beard himself. I have been a member of the organisation since my eightenth birthday as was my father, my father's father, and many of their fathers before them.
I invite you to explore the site and trust you will share it with friends and family. It should serve as a helpful tool in your recruitment of new members.
I will be writing frequent posts so please check back for more news in coming weeks.
Go well, stay strong. Growth Be Our Oath.
Web editor,
Heinrich O'Hare.
Message from the Grand BeardConfused and misled by generations before him, modern man is moving away from organic practices towards a harmful hegemony of manufactured style.
With regards to facial hair this movement has manifest in man flouting natural growth in favour of new blade technology and 'fashionable' styles.
Since manufactured style represents society's obsession with the superficial, this movement can only lead to an inner emptiness.
I call on men everywhere to stand strong. Reject random facial hair fashions in favour of a natural approach. Growth sustained your ancient ancestors. Let it now sustain you.
Growth Be Our Oath.