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Thursday, July 2, 2009

On various news websites, "experts" offer relationship advice. They've all got one thing in common: They're consistently wrong. The other quality they share is attracting lots of hits. RALPH is jumping on the bandwagon, and offering uninformed advice to the masses.

I had sex with my mate's girlfriend behind his back, and now he wants me to be best man at their wedding. What should I do?
The coward's way out, which is also the best way, would be to arrange an overseas trip, claim you've got a job offer in Europe, and avoid the wedding altogether. Then you could work in a pub, shack up in a dingy hostel and crack onto cute European girls.
In three years or so, you can come back to Australia, and pick up where you left off - sleeping with your mate's now ex-wife.

My boss is always flirting with me at the pub after work. She's hot, and I'd love to try and hook up with her, but is it worth the risk?
What's the risk? Catching herpes? Go for it. If all goes well, you might get her pregnant and earn the highly sought-after title of stay-at-home dad.

I really enjoy rollerblading. Is this something I should be worried about?
Nobody enjoys rollerblading.

I keep hearing women complain of a man drought, but I still can't get a root. What's the go?
Generally, women who complain about a man drought just think they're too good for the many men that are single. There are also plenty of blokes complaining there are no decent women about, without realising no decent woman would have a bar of them.
A few drinks will normally see the drought break, and an ugly or socially awkward bloke - like yourself - will meet the woman he's meant for.

Need help, or want to give some advice of your own? Leave your comments below.

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