Ponting with cricket's most famed trophy.
Ashes to Ashes, facts to facts
Origins
After we beat the Poms for the first time on British soil (by seven runs) in 1882, a newspaperman placed a death notice in London’s Sporting Times. It read, “In affectionate memory of English cricket. The body will be cremated and the
ashes taken to Australia.” Later that year, the Poms toured and skipper Ivo Bligh said his main goal was the “recovery of the ashes”. In a
smartarse gesture, some local ladies gave Bligh a small urn filled with ash, which marked the birth of the Ashes series. There’s still speculation as to whether the ashes are of a ball, bail, stump, or a pack of Winnie blues.
Head to head
Since 1882, 64 Ashes series have been played. The Aussies have won 31, the Poms 28 and the rest have been drawn. Not that it’s relevant but we’ve got
hotter chicks, better beer and far superior oral hygiene, too.
Highest score
Sir Donald Bradman holds the record for Australia, with a cracking 334 at Headingly in 1930. But Englishman Len Hutton takes the prize overall, with his 364 at The Oval in 1938. The Poms registered a score of 7/903 that match – the second highest innings in cricket history.
The Don’s dominance
Bradman loved taking it to the Old Dart. In the 63 innings he played against them, the legend scored a record 5028 runs at an average of 89.78. This included 19 centuries and 12 half-centuries. Our British readers can take solace in the fact he was a shit bowler, with a woeful average of 51.
Most wickets
Spin king
Shane Warne racked up 186 wickets in his 34 Tests, including a hat-trick during the 1994/5 series. The best performer for England is Ian Botham, who took 148 wickets from 36 matches. Warnie also has the wood over Beefy when it comes to sex scandals. And baked beans.
Brawl tampering: Part I
During the 1884/5 series, British all-rounder Richard Barlow accused paceman Fred “The Demon” Spofforth of “unlawfully putting spikes in his boots to cut up the turf” during the Sydney Test. Spofforth’s response, according to the Sydney Sportsman paper, was, “a blow which knocked Barlow over the seat.” Wonder if Pup Clarke gets
punchy when the opposition call him up on his form-fitting undies.
Brawl tampering: Part II
In a Melbourne bar 93 years later, Ian Botham got pissy over a comment Ian Chappell made about the English. What happened next is still disputed. According to the Botham version, he gave Chappelli “three official warnings” before sending him “flying over a table”. Chappell calls this a “fairytale”, saying Botham threatened him with a schooner glass then pushed him over. True, this incident has nothing to do with the Ashes but it’s piss-funny picturing the grumpy Aussie getting clocked.
The flashes
Nudity historians believe the first streak can be traced back to the second Test at Lords in 1975. Clothes-dodger Michael Angelow became the pioneer of penis flashing when he took to the pitch and leapt over the stumps. This iconic moment overshadowed Tony Greig’s 96, which many believe led to him becoming a giant tool.
Great balls of shit
Steve Harmison must’ve pissed off a gypsy just prior to the 2006/7 series because his opening ball could’ve only been caused by a vengeful curse. Arguably the worst ball in Ashes history, it went straight to second slip and set the tone for a series where the visitors were thrashed 5-0.
Second-oldest series
Although the Ashes is probably the most revered rivalry in cricket, it’s not the oldest. That record belongs to the annual grudge match between America and Canada, which dates back to 1844. That also has the honour of being the only international cricket series nobody gives a f–k about.
What's your favourite Ashes moment? Leave your comments below.
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