The beer flowed for RALPH-DMC – straight at our faces.
In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. But we weren’t to know that not even dancing stunners would be enough to hide our obvious inadequacies as rappers
RALPH-DMC, supporting our mates the Funkoars at Sydney’s Annandale Hotel.
As you’d expect, the seeds of
RALPH-DMC were planted at the pub. We’d already put our name on the posters as sponsors of the Funkoars’ national Hangover tour. “Hey, we should support them as well,” someone said, probably after six beers too many. No doubt drunk themselves, the Oars agreed – we booked ourselves in for one song.
Crap lyrics were hastily written on soggy coasters. Those coasters were then used as ninja stars. Even crapper lyrics were written on even soggier coasters, then forgotten about until we found them stuck to a desk the day before the show.
Then before you could say, “Get more poon than Orlando Bloom,” it was show time and all we had were some shit lyrics about shit celebrities and double-vision courtesy of five hours spent in the Annandale’s beer garden.
After an enthusiastic intro by Adelaide rap champ Briggs, DJ Gimp pressed play. We stumbled on stage, grabbed the mics and tried to catch up to the music, while reading the lyrics from sheets of paper.
No doubt impressed more by the girls’ moves than our stuttered swearing and boasts about drinking prowess, the crowd was quite receptive – for about 18 seconds. Then the first beer-filled plastic cup flew through the air. Followed by another. Then came a swarm. While MC Dan hid behind the girls and DJ Gimp scratched up a storm, the other members stood firm, copping full cups square in the face.
With the stage about to be stormed, the venue manager pulled the plug about 90 seconds into the three-minute “song”. Our rap dream was dead, our clothes were soaked, and the Oars were on stage making us look like total amateurs.
At least we’ll never complain about being served beer in plastic cups. Say what you want about local hip-hop fans, but they’ve got good aim.
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