Stimulating stuff

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

One of the 8.7 million taxpayers rubbing your hands at the thought of Kevin Rudd's $900 handout, but not sure how to spend it? Here's ten ways to blow the dough coming your way.

10. Buy shares in companies that make booze and cigarettes, and cash in when people waste their stimulus money on their vices.

9. Invest in a greyhound. Call it "Thanks for nothing Kevin" and scream its name as it comes last.

8. Spend $900 on underwear. You won't have to worry about holes in your Reg Grundies for decades.

7. Try buying Australian, so your money continues helping the economy. Give up, and buy a plasma TV made in China.

6. Put the cash behind the bar at your local, and shout the pub. People will keep buying you drinks in return long after the $900 has dried up.

5. Start a political lobby group, and lobby for more hand-outs.

4. Set yourself up as a financial adviser. Advise people to give you their money.

3. Get a flight to Africa, and experience the crippling poverty that could be hitting us all soon.

2. Get a tent, a sleeping bag, and plenty of warm clothing, so you're comfortable when you lose your house.

1. Buy tinned food, bottled water, and a shotgun, so you're ready when things really get ugly.

• How will you spend your stimulus package? Leave your comment below.

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User comments

i got my money the first week....spend it all on bills yay sounds like fun doesnt it....i was hoping for a holiday but noooooo

i would buy a huge load of good dirt dump it down at a park and build some bmx jumps and with the rest of the money i would sell my good bike and get a better one, but i still need to get the money..??

sandy ur an idiot. conspiracy theories are great but try being patient

I recon just *** it on your car, atleast your supporting a local performance shop, ill get myself a nice cam and maybe do a happy stimulus package burnout in my ex's driveway

Change the car to GAS. Save more money. Crawl round the supermarket finding Made in Ausralia food Get your teeth fixed, you will need to, as buying cheap meat needs healthy teeth. Buy a bicyle. Buy sturdy leather shoes so you can walk around to find another job when you lose the one you have. Wait there's more!!!! From one who knows!!!!! 75 yr old pensioner

Shotguns baked beans and world war 3? Geee all i wanted was my 900.. i worked for it.. seriously... I AM OWED. Its a downpayment on the overtaxing and underspending of the Howard government... now.. how ling til i can have that life saving operation i need.... 12 MONTHS????????? LABOUR LOOKS OUT FOR THE LITTLE PEOPLE, IN THE GRAND PLAN OF THE LIBERALS, IM AN OVERTAXED, UNDER MAINTAINED SERF, PROPERTY OF THE PRIVATE SECTOR INC.

As far as Im concerned and many other australians this was a lie from the rudd government, not one single person I know has received the $900 this week typical pensioners centrelink people all got there payments on the day stated they would receive it well where is tax payers bonus, it was suppose to be given th 6th april, then it was changed to the 8th well we are still waiting, it would have been nice to enjoy the easter holidays in a nice way. Tax payers always last its a joke

by a solar hot water system and get further gov grants and rebates

Still waiting for the bonus.

I'm a middle class worker, earning a middle class wage. My wife's and my "hand out" combined, will just cover our 2007-2008 tax bill that has to be paid by end April..... thanks for the hand out Kev... came just in time. Shame it aint going to a needed purchase that may have "stimulated the economy".

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