Drink beer, get laid – it’s the RALPH guide to going off around the globe
July in Berlin
Love Parade
This began as a political protest when the Berlin Wall came crashing down in 1989, but it quickly descended into an annual orgy of street parties, crazy costumes and cranium-cracking tunes. For two days, more than 1.5 million ravers descend on the Kraut capital to see big-name DJs spin their doof-heavy shit. There’s a lot of man-love in the air, but there’s also enough tits-out Euro-trash chicks to start WWIII in your pants.
March in Mexico
Spring break, Cancun
There’s an urban myth that the Seppo answer to Schoolies is just a week of casual
sex and binge drinking. Turns out that’s completely true. Every March, the Mexican party capital looks like a
Girls Gone Wild video come to life, with more flesh on show than anywhere on the planet. The booty-fest is also celebrated in Daytona Beach, Barbados and Jamaica, but Cancun gets our vote. Mainly ’cos we like tacos.
Summer in Hawaii
Pipemasters week, North Shore
You may remember Pipeline from Blue Crush – you know, that movie about Kate Bosworth’s arse. In any case, Pipeline is the planet’s most bad-arse break – reaching 10m on a good day. Once a year, the world’s best surfers tackle it as part of the ASP World Surf Tour. That means the place is crawling with surf groupies. Just pretend you’re Occy’s cousin. And if any of the local Hawaiian boofheads give you grief, get on the blower to Koby.
July in Jamaica
Reggae Sumfest, Montego Bay
If you come expecting unbroken sun, forget it. For a week from July 19, this Caribbean paradise resort is shrouded in thick clouds... of weed smoke. It’s Jamaica’s largest and wildest
music festival, which means it attracts some of reggae and hip-hop’s most awesome acts – and Akon. The rum’s free-flowing and the big-booty girls come straight out of a Shaggy video. As long as you keep that comedy white-man-dancing thing under wraps, you might be in with a chance.
The Netherlands in November
Cannabis Cup, Amsterdam
This country gave the world hookers in windows, mull cafes and Australian soccer coaches. Two of those things are in plentiful supply in the Dutch capital. Although the local fun-police have closed down a few “coffee shops”, the Cannabis Cup – a competition to decide the world’s best dope – is one of the city’s biggest draws, and anyone can be a judge. Just pay $500 and you’re on the panel. Price doesn’t include complimentary Iced Vo Vos.
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