Brown holds his son, Makini, for the first time.
Anything with "beer" in the title piques our interest at RALPH. So, with my own baby due, I was keen to check out something called Beer + Bubs at my local pub.
Like most blokes with their first bub on the way, I'd read a couple of online articles and sat through umpteen baby-related DVDs (
Rosemary's Baby,
The Omen) but I was still in the dark about what
I was supposed to do on game day. It felt like the ref was about to blow time-on and I was still tying up my boots.
I didn't want to be a dead weight on the biggest day of my life with my duties limited to wiping brows, fetching water, and copping abuse (I mean getting feedback) from my lovely wife.
Times have changed since my dad's day. Now most blokes
want to be involved and not just sit in the waiting room with a handful of stogies.
So thanks to classes such as those offered by Sydney's Lucy Perry, a doula (or labour coach) of seven years, author of
Cheers to Childbirth and mother-of-three, guys can get hands-on so to speak and feel more involved.
Since 2004, she's been telling dads in the comfort of their local pub that childbirth is "not secret women's business" and that guys should see themselves as the "guardian of the birth space".
When she mentioned that, I thought, "Now, that's something I could do." It sounded like a job for a protector — much like a bouncer but without the tattoos or criminal record.
Lucy, who spoke to some high-profile dads such as surfing legend Mark Occhilupo, boxer Danny Green and broadcaster Adam Spencer for her book, had some good tips. Blokes need to learn to hand over control of the situation (not something we like to do); childbirth is not a fix-it moment; and labour is tougher and takes much longer than the City2Surf (the first birth averages between 12 and 18 hours). This is no fun run.
"The day that your child is born is the one day in the life of your family that you really can't afford to stuff up," she warned.
Lucy said her first childbirth looked like a "murder scene, a bloodbath" but her second child dropped out after 45 minutes during her annual Christmas home party with 'My Sharona' blaring in the background. She remembers telling her husband at the time: "you'll need to put the beer down because you've got to catch the baby".
"What is detrimental to a woman's progress in labour and bonding with her newborn is a bloke who has no clue," she said.
"That's a dad who's madly texting his sisters for advice; taking photos down the business end; asking the obstetrician what the footy scores are; or just ducking for cover when the going gets tough, rather than massaging his partner's aching back for hours on hours; and knowing when to zip it."
Lucy outlined the drugs on offer (for her, not you), the different emotions your partner will go through and even brought back a former attendee who had since had a baby girl after 36 hours of labour
and a C-section.
And after some good pub food halfway through the two-and-a-half hour session she outlined some of things to remember on game day:
Do's
- Shut up and don't drag her out of the primal brain.
- Keep focus on her as childbirth can be long and boring.
- Keep control of your anxiety and fear when you see your partner in pain.
Don'ts
- Don't faint. Watch a DVD of a women giving birth (about 20 times) so you won't be shocked on the day.
- Don't stink. Women are very sensitive so take a shower.
- Don't get naked in the hospital shower (it creeps out the nurses).
- Don't be wussy and give a strong massage.
- Don't use the word "relax" or say "calm down".
- Don't mention the time.
- Don't chatter during contractions. One bloke put a car contract under his partner's nose to sign, which she didn't appreciate.
By Graham Brown
For more information on the national classes, visit
www.beerandbubs.com.au.
Check out her book at
www.cheerstochildbirth.com.au.
Postscript: My gorgeous wife Mwende gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Makini, weighing in at 3.5kg and 53cm long (see image above). Both are doing fine.
