Lord of the stings

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Mad scientist gets attacked by vicious insects on purpose.

Stinging critters are nasty bastards. But how bad do stings really hurt? Is a green ant bite to your nuts enough to justify you screaming like a girl, or are you a pussy?
Seppo toxinologist Dr Justin Schmidt has been stung by every vicious prick in the world, all to create the Schmidt Sting Pain Index, which ranks stings from 1 (as weak as your girlfriend pinging you with her bra strap) to 4 (like catching your cock in your zip while skewering it with chilli-smeared kebab sticks).

Method
1) Obtain sheila insect specimens. "Only female ants and wasps sting," explains Dr Schmidt, "because their stingers are really ovipositors, or egg-layers – female genitals that have evolved to become venomous. Male wasps pretend to sting, but actually can’t."
2) Find a guinea pig. "I try to get a volunteer who’s already been stung to describe it," Dr Schmidt says. "But I usually end up having to personally take a sting myself."

Results
The all-out champ on the Schmidt Sting Pain Index is the Brazilian Bullet Ant – so called because its sting is like being shot. The pain lasts for more than 12 agonising hours and makes you shake uncontrollably. A sting from the tarantula hawk (which kills giant spiders) lasts three minutes, but feels like you’re having the tendons repeatedly ripped out of your arms.

Bite club American maricopa harvester ant
Sting feels like.... a drill through your foot. The world’s most venomous insect – one sting can kill a 2kg rat.
Schmidt Sting Pain Index: 3

What's your most ever painful sting or bite? Leave your comment below.