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Monday, April 14, 2008

Comedian Tony Martin proves that wearing glasses doesn't make you an intellectual.

Mick Molloy
Mick and I are feuding at the moment. It’s no secret I made BoyTown Confidential, a 90-minute mockumentary for the BoyTown DVD, which wasn’t included. Lawyers have told me not to comment or speculate. I won’t bother denying any of it because it’s all true.

School
I was your standard-issue nerd. I didn’t do particularly well and left at 17 to drive a forklift for a year. Because I wear glasses, people think I’m intellectual. But I’m as smart as Sylvester Stallone with glasses.

The Late Show
I never thought it’d be preserved on DVD 14 years later. F–k, if I’d known it was still going to be around I would’ve chosen my shirts more carefully. Looking back I’m either dressed like David Copperfield or Billy Ray Cyrus. If you’re making a comedy series don’t do it in the era of acidwash.

Impersonations
The best are ones you haven’t seen before. When I did Arnold Schwarzenegger on The Late Show no-one was doing him. These days you get Arnie-grams at your office. I’m enjoying doing Alexander Downer at the moment. He gives lots of material. But I tell you who’s giving us all a hard time – Kevin Rudd. He’s got great phrases, but no-one can quite get the voice.

Bargearse
As soon as we saw a shot of [Bluey/Bargearse actor] Lucky Grills running down a fire escape with a pie in one hand and a beer in the other we were like, “We’ve got to do this!” We’ve been trying to get the Bargearse and The Olden Days DVD out for 10 years and when we finally do, Lucky drops dead two weeks before the release. That’s just another example of his brilliant comedy timing. He was a stand-up comedian and apparently came out to the Bargearse theme, pretended to do a huge fart into the microphone and then just did his normal act.

Cameo roles
I’m in The Castle for about seven seconds. I don’t say anything. I’m just standing in the background talking to Eric Bana, who I’d never met before, so I’m actually having a genuine conversation with him. Lip-readers say I’m asking him why his TV show was axed. He probably had a long answer and did an impression of Chopper.

Stand-up comedy
I haven’t done stand-up since 2004 when I died in the arse coming on after Ugly Dave Gray’s son. To avoid hecklers I always ask the audience to get all the sheep-f–king jokes out of their system before I begin my routine.

The other Tony Martin
I’m still living in the shadow of the Australian actor who played Reverend Bob in E Street and was also Neddy Smith in Blue Murder. We were both in a series called The Games and I had to be credited as “the other Tony Martin”.