Trials and Tribulations

Monday, March 17, 2008

Wanted for drunken nudity in four states, Funkoars MC and pisshead Mr Trials answers your problems using the power of rhyme.

Q: Dear Trials. My flatmate keeps drinking my last beer. How do I get him to stop without having to go the bash? – Dan, via e-mail
A: Ay, buy a couple cases/Then shake every box till they can’t stand up, like Michael J Fox/Then surprise! Like missing and hitting your missus in the eyes.

Q: Mate. I need a better opening line for chicks than, "Nice pants. Want to dance?" Help a brother out. – Jackson, via e-mail
A: Forget a pick-up line. Try the stick-up line/Get a disguise and scream like, "Reach for the skies"/Take it off, come back and be the nice bloke/Call an officer and offer her a ride home.

Q: Dear Trials. Is it true that rappers get lots of girls? If so, how do I become one? – Dale, via e-mail
A: If you're anything like me, you gotta live in a dump for six months, then move out and back in with your mum/ Or make dance music/The girls sweat and get wetter than a boost juice before they even dance to it.

User comments

I've tried some of your lyrics that I thought were pick up lines but they haven't been very successful. Have you got some specific examples that never fail? PS - Do you have an aftershave of choice?

I love a good game of poker with the boys and taking their hard earned beer money but i also love a good drink. My beer goggles tend to lose me the game so i have a moral dillema - the beer or the money?

How come I can never find this stuff on the site? Leave it up on the front page, bro. And why don't your raps rhyme? Here's a question - Is watching porn eight hours a day on the weekend too much?

Wow. I'm intrigued by your article and ideas. I would like to subscribe to your news letter. Patrick O'neal

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