Peter Helliar’s top jokes

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

It was great to see Peter Helliar starring in his first stand-up show in two years, rather than trying to make Rove look funny. Considering the big bloke couldn't swear on commercial TV, Pete went to town with the F-bomb. These were his best gags of the night.

1. For the movie I recently starred in, I wanted to get in character and put on 10kg. But the director told me to lose it, "You fat f–k."

2. With all the Home and Away stars getting caught up in drug and sex scandals, they should cast the NRL in the show.

3. I'm married with kids and thank f–k its good to be out of the house. With three sons, I'll never have to talk about periods and if my boy gets a girl knocked up, we'll just move house.

4. Don't ever ask a man, "Do you notice anything different?" I'm thinking f–k me, is it the hair or the house?

5. The next Twilight movie should be about Bella falling for Tiger Woods.
Saxon Cheng

Peter Helliar performed at the Playhouse, Sydney Opera House. His Dreamboat tour includes gigs at the Forum Theatre for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival from March 26- April 17, Adelaide’s Spiegeltent from February 22-28 February and Brisbane's Powerhouse from March 14.

Do you think Peter Helliar should have his own TV show? Leave your comment below.

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