After the Labor Party formed a minority federal government, RALPH can still dream about one day becoming Prime Minister with these hard hitting policies.
Education
After the toxic gas-heaters debacle, we propose to install jumping castles in every school playground. Every time the kids get cold, teachers would send students out for some exercise on the jumping castle. At the same time,
RALPH would be addressing the obesity crisis that's affecting our younger generation.
Immigration
RALPH wants to stop illegal immigrants spreading the budgie smuggler and socks-and-sandals disease. People would be put in quarantine until the spray on swimmers and the socks-and-sandals number is located, removed and burnt on the spot.
WorkChoices
RALPH proposes a nationwide company-funded liquid lunch every Thursday, followed by an afternoon siesta. On the downside, employees would be required to work back a little later, which consequently forces blokes to miss Thursday night shopping with the missus. Instead of casual Friday, we'll implement compulsory sickie Friday.
Environment
To save water and provide this additional resource to our drought-stricken farmers,
RALPH would provide free waxing kits to every woman in Australia.
National Trade Cadetship
We agree with the ALP's National Trade Cadetship, but
RALPH would also target female tradies. Intensive one-on-one training would be provided, so these aspiring tradies learn how to use a tool effectively.
Broadband
To increase the speed of broadband, selected sites such as
RALPH and RedTube would operate faster than
MasterChef's Matt Preston eating a crème tart.
Saxon Cheng
What are some other recommended policies for RALPH? Leave your comment below.
Slideshows
Leonardo DiCaprio's hot missus Bar Refaeli
Sexy FIFA World Cup fans
Ninemsn Home
For the latest news, weather, sport, lifestyle and travel updates
For health, men's lifestyle and celeb stories, visit:
