Right up there with Billy Connolly, Danny Bhoy is one of Scotland's funniest comedians. He's touring Oz in April and May this year and with tickets on sale now, you can check out some of his funniest jokes from his hilarious career here.
1. "I'm not going to go on a safari with a man who can't whisper. It's like having a snooker referee with Tourette's."
2. "I hate these people who give you advice if you see a dangerous animal. Pretend that you're dead. You won't be pretending for long."
3. "You can tell an awful lot about a person's country by what he eats for breakfast. We in Scotland like a fry-up: bacon, sausage, eggs, beans, chips, whatever. Bring out your dead, we'll have it — as long as it's deep-fried."
4. "The French have a croissant and they then need a lie down. That's not breakfast, it's pastry and we put that on top of a meat pie. It says a lot about the French. 'We're flaky and a little bit gay'."
5. "The crazy Dutch have a ham and cheese sandwich for breakfast and then lots of sex afterwards."
6. "Recently on a menu I saw the most ridiculous thing in my life. 'Corn-fed farm-reared breast of chicken.' I don't care about its childhood."
7. "After the last bell is rung in the pub, no-one wants to go home in Australia, as they'll remember everything."
8. "Late at night on Aussie television, there are only three things on: a replay of rugby, cricket or a four-hour presentation of a steak knife — just in case you fancy cutting a shoe in half — halfway through a meal."
Saxon Cheng
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Tickets have gone on sale for Danny Bhoy's performances at the Melbourne Comedy Festival from April 1 to 17 at The Arts Centre Playhouse. He's also headlining the Sydney Comedy Festival from May 2 to 7 at The Enmore Theatre.
