Robin Williams, the comic madman who set his nipples alight in
Mrs Doubtfire, has made more than 60 movies and survived several trips to rehab and recent heart surgery. And he's bringing his Weapons of Self Destruction tour to Australia in November.
Here are Williams' best jokes, but it might be best to whack on another set of undies in case of a number one.
1. "Beer is only produced to make English your second God damn language."
2. "Never pick a fight with an ugly person; they've got nothing to lose."
3. "We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
4. "Divorce is from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
5."Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
6. "A reformed alcoholic is still the same arsehole. He just has fewer dents in his car."
7. "Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men doing manly things: 'You just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer.' Why not have a realistic beer commercial? 'It's five o'clock in the morning. You just p---ed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."
8. "Sarah Palin was voted at school as 'Least likely to write a book' and 'Most likely to burn one'."
9. "If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days."
10."We've had cloning in the south of America for years. It's called cousins."
11. "Ballet is men wearing pants so tight, that you can tell what religion they are."
12. "Politics: 'Poli' is a Latin word meaning 'many'; and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'."
Michael Williams
Your say: What's your favourite Robin Williams movie and why?
Tickets are now on sale for the following shows:
November 4: Brisbane Entertainment Centre, Brisbane. Book at
Ticketek.
November 7 and 8: Rod Laver Arena, Melbourne. Book at
Ticketek.
November 11, 12 and 14: Sydney Entertainment Centre, Sydney. Book at
Ticketmaster
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