Have a cack with these classic jokes ... we've got some crackers!
With compliments
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. He starts eating the beer nuts at the bar and he hears a voice say, "Wow! You look great tonight!"
The man looks over at the bartender who didn't say anything and just keeps drinking and eating beer nuts and he hears something again!
"That's an awesome shirt! You are amazing!"
He looks around and he's the only guy in the place so asks the bartender if he had heard anything and the bartender says, "Was the voice saying bad things or good things?"
And the man replies, "Good things, why?"
And the bartender says, "It must have been the complimentary nuts."
Dopey walks into a bar
The Pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs who are drinking in a bar. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.
"Mr Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
"No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not".
"Mr Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?", Dopey questions.
"No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."
"Mr Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves start chanting,
"Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin."
