As the summer season has officially ended, blokes in the Southern Hemisphere now have the chance to grow a woolly face rug in preparation for winter.
Not only are men going back to their cave man roots, but it allows avid beardsters to take a step back from the metrosexual look and focus on a grungy ''I'm too cool for school'' look.
If your employer starts questioning this newfound look, simply cite Jesus Christ for your inspiration and if they still have a whinge, it might be best to report the boss to HR for facial discrimination.
In addition, the missus may sin bin you to the spare room after suffering a bad case of pash rash, but at least it gives you a chance to oil and dress the beard better than the ancient Persians and Egyptians.
In fact, you may even score a role as an extra in a blue movie and before you can even say yes, your partner will no doubt read the riot act and order you back in the bedroom.
Growing a beard also gives your loved one and flatties more time in the bathroom and extra time for you to sleep in. The normal sh*t, shower and shave routine now goes out the window.
According to The Unshaven principles, it's all about unleashing your masculine demons and living a manly lifestyle. Like the ancient Indians, beards are regarded as a symbol of dignity and wisdom and to some people in society, this view is still prevalent.
A beard gives blokes a sense of belonging, like membership into a special club or organisation like The Unshaven. Like a persistent Jehovah's Witness at your doorstep, facial ruggers should unite and convince the pretty boys of the world to join the bearded brotherhood.
Sure, there's negative stereotypes like bikies and homeless people who have beards, but on the bright side there's the most charitable and famous man in the world with a nice bushy white beard, Santa Claus. And there's no better reason to say, ''I'm doing it for the kids and growing it for the company family Christmas Day''.
Plus the white rug will be a handy prop as Colonel Sanders for the next fancy dress party or it can be dyed black to look like the Mongolian warlord Genghis Khan. Mind you,
RALPH doesn't accept any responsibility for any warlord type of aggression at 21st or 30th birthday parties. Aggression on
RALPH's Wanker of the Year, Kyle Sandilands is excluded.
Growing a beard also means getting in touch with your literary roots, as William Shakespeare the master of the English language sported a face rug. The missus will give your new Shakespeare look the thumbs up, after she reads your master pieces of literature plagiarised from Romeo and Juliet.
By following in the footsteps of the late bearded love god Barry White, ruggers around the world will help bring passion back into relationships and assist in lowering divorce rates.
It seems the rock 'n' roll face fuzz has evolved with time considering Jim Morrison, The Beatles and Cat Stevens were all once proud members of The Unshaven. It's still not too late to embrace the rock star look like ZZ Top, even if it means playing the guitar with an old tennis racquet, while wearing socks and undies.
Forget about trying to fit into society with a clean shaven face that resembles a babies bum, jump on the bearded bandwagon and live like some of your legendary ancestors.
For more information or discussion about beards visit The Facial Hair Liberation Organisation website, otherwise known as The FHLO or The Unshaven. Both are advocacy organisations dedicated to promoting care and styling of facial hair.
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