With ''Movember'' coming to an end, I can't help but feel an emptiness somewhat akin to what Kyle Sandilands must feel after a mere four-course meal.
Not only will I have to take up the razor again and endure the subsequent whinging from my girlfriend about ''those icky little stubble hairs'' in the bathroom sink, I'll also have to watch as an entire nation of men abandon their natural beardly instincts and bow once again to workplace and societal pressures.
If we dare stroll into work this month with the bushy fruits of November's labour proudly displayed upon our chins, we'll no doubt be met with ridicule and scornful comments along the lines of ''Now, now, boys, you've had your fun. Don't you think it's time things went back to normal?''
But I (like the centuries-old advocacy group known as
The Unshaven) believe that we, as men, should take a united, bearded and moustachioed stand against the facial hair-hating bosses, wives and girlfriends of this world. We've ignored for too long the benefits of a fully functioning facial thatch. Yes, men, it's high time we took back the beard!
First of all, facial hair is cool. Seriously. I challenge any man who's ever experimented with a bit of chin decoration to deny it. Having a dark forest of hair covering your face gives you an aura of suave mystery and a classy, debonair air. Second, it makes us manlier. Sean Connery (as Indiana Jones' dad), Russell Crowe (as Maximus), Magnum PI and Wolverine are all manly men among men who spring to mind as examples.
And then of course there's Chuck Norris.
For all you sceptics who think letting your facial follicles roam free is merely an act of laziness, let me say this: It is. But in a good way. Think of it as a sort of laissez-faire outlook on life. If you don't shave, you save time for more important things, like getting an extra 15 minutes of sleep or ''snuggle time'', eh ladies?
Oh, and before I forget … stroking our facial hair while pondering what we're going to have for lunch and staring wistfully into space is without doubt
the most intelligent-looking thing a man can do. Without doubt.
Honestly, if there's one thing that the now (thankfully) dead and buried metrosexual movement has taught us, it's that women want real men, ones who can change a tyre without worrying about the state of their fingernails. Not hairless, moisturised pansies in pink shirts.
As a gender we're not born with the urge to get rid of facial hair. We do it because society tells as that the unshaven face is unacceptable. Mother Nature blessed us with the ability to grow awesome handlebar moustaches and kick-ass mutton chops for a reason. We were meant to. If one day evolution sees fit to rid us of the ability, so be it. But until then, let it grow, let it grow, let it grow.
For more information or discussion about beards visit The Facial Hair Liberation Organisation website, otherwise known as The FHLO or The Unshaven. Both are advocacy organisations dedicated to promoting care and styling of facial hair.
