Facial hair — love it or hate it, it's just one of those unavoidable man-isms we have to live with (unless he's open to laser).
But, like other hair growth hot spots, there'll always be raging debate over whether it's best for men to level their shrubbery daily, let it bloom Sikh-style, or meticulously groom an in-between variation.
Personally, while a three o'clock shadow a la Josh Holloway washed-up-on-a-beach
Lost-style looks sexy on tellie (and don't even get me started on David Duchovny's
Californication stubbly glory), I always come back to clean-shaven types. As a like-minded friend observes, "spiky, pseudo-beards are awful. The shorter the stubble, the more it stings."
Another gal pal, who's yet to accept a sleepover invitation from her current beau in fear of receiving "unwanted exfoliation" agrees: "Nothing says juvenile make-out session quite like pash-rash. It's the undesirable younger sibling of the hickie."
But for every few woman who loathe it, there's one who uses words like "sexy" and "masculine" to describe facial shrubbery. "My boyfriend grew a 'stache for a costume party, and while I hated it at first, it looked sexy in full bloom," says one woman. It must be said though, they don't call mo's "soup strainers" for nothing — those babies catch all the drips. Ew.
As for full beards, I'm yet to smoke out a true fan. I mean, has anyone seen Josh Hartnett's mess of a chin lately — what is that guy thinking? And let's not even start with Matthew McConnahey's recent facial 'project'. "Beards are so ageing," moans a colleague, "not to mention the creepy-high-school-history-teacher vibe they radiate." She's right — we need to know what you're hiding in there, boys. I once read a children's book about an old man who allowed a possum to nest in his beard — totally not cool.
Beards aside though, there's a minefield of man-scaping just waiting to be judged. Beginning with the least pash-rashable, there's sideburns, mutton chops (Craig David-esque sidies that meet at the chin), Hulk Hogan-style horseshoe moustaches and Shannon Noll-y flavour savers. Move further south and you've got goatees — usually the place men attempt to grow their first man-garden. They think 'manly'. Women think 'pre-pubescent wannabe'.
But back to kissing. The overwhelming consensus (from my open-minded focus group — at the pub) was that man-scaped guys need to have something else going for them (think: ripped abs, dazzling smiles) if they want to, you know — score. Offended gents? Well, if you need some positive endorsement regarding your facial,
The FHLO and
The Unshaven (two advocacy organisations promoting care and styling of facial hair) will be happy to counsel you.
In all fairness though, it's hard to make too much noise about a guy with meticulously manicured facial growth — if he puts that much effort into grooming above the belt, we can only hope he's that attentive down below...
Sarah Reid enjoys her men well groomed and is a features writer with Cosmopolitan magazine.
