Funkoars degenerate Mr Trials puts the vice in advice.
Q: Hey Trials. I had a threesome the other night. No question, just wanted to tell you. My mates don't believe me – Tobes, via email
A: Nice one, man.
But now you gotta do it again.
To get proof, find the foulest, rank skanks around town.
The girls like that like sex with all sorts.
In a couple of days, you can show your mates the genital warts.
Q: I’m thinking of getting a tatt on my dick. Do you reckon the pain would be worth the surprise when girls see it? – Hugh, via email
A: Depends how big the fella is.
Get it going, it spells degenerate.
I recommend you get a dollar sign.
Next time she wants to blow money,
Then you got it right.
Q: Is rooting the best hangover cure? I say yes, but my boyfriend prefers bacon and eggs. – Sarah, via email
A: The sex is good
But if I’m hungover,
I want food fatter than a young Oprah.
Listen to Mr Trials solve readers problems with his kick-arse lyrics.
For more RALPH antics buy the November edition. On sale now at newsagents now.
