Funkoars MC Mr Trials solves your problems using the power of rhyme.
Q: I can get chicks back to my place, but they're always turned off because I'm such a messy prick. Any cleaning tips? – Hazza, via email
A: Listen up – it’s important, so you gotta get this right.
Hit the lights harder than Amy Winehouse can hit the pipe.
What she can’t see can’t hurt her.
Then again...
Try telling that to a blind chick flirtin'.
Q: I recently lost a lot of weight when I gave up beer. Problem is, I miss the drink. What do I do? – Charlie, via email
A: You can either hit the knife for your stomach to sew it up.
Or make sure that you drink just enough to throw it up.
Q: My mate butchered me in the nuts with a pool cue. What can I do to get him back? – Tim, via email
A: I’ll let you in on a couple of things Trials would do.
Sit backwards on the shitter and give it a reverse kangaroo.
That’ll hurt him worse than chucking a fist in.
And worse than watching his parents making him brother and sisters.
Listen to Mr Trials solve readers problems with his kick-arse lyrics.
For more RALPH antics buy the September edition. On sale now at newsagents now.
