Psycho Robots

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Robots are set to take over the world. Meet tomorrow's mechanical overlords today.

Airplane on Autopilot
Fllying dromes are great for gathering gathering info on enemy locations and troop movements. Armed with Hellfire missiles, the US military’s Predator makes that possible. The army reported early successes in the Iraq War when one Predator spotted and destroyed an anti- aircraft gun. Sure, it’s not earth- shattering. But looking at how things are going over there, you’d be stoked with that, too.
Role in the Rise: It will be used to blow up weapons silos, hospitals and Hooters restaurant.

Clean Machine
Messy bastards can already employ robot helpers in the kitchen-based war against mould and cockroaches. The obsessive- compulsive ReadyBot will clean up your empty beer cans before you even get to enjoy the stale dregs for brekkie. Then they’ll kill you in your sleep. Possibly.
Role in the Rise: An unexpected "malfunction will see ReadBot wap the chemical under the sink with the tomato sauce in the cupboard.

Mower with a Mind
The Australian Sunday-morning tradition of roaring Victa lawn mowers sabotaging sleep-ins is nearly over. Husqvarna’s evil- looking Automower will silently zip around your lawn cutting the grass. All you have to do is layout some wire as a border. It does the rest.
Role in the Rise: The Automower will take out your guard dog and turn man's best friend into fertiliser - then make a run for your toes.

Rescue Robot
The Robvie uses cameras and lasers to monitor human movement in a crowd. Tested in a shopping centre in Japan, the droid was able to detect lost shoppers and offer them directions. Later versions may be used to detect shoplifters and shoot them.
Role in the Rise: Used to detect anti-robot activity like shaking a vending machine when your pack of Twisties gets stuck and punish with lethal force.

Korean Killer
Samsung has developed a gun- packing sentry robot, designed to guard the 250km demilitarised zone between North and South Korea. The machines can distinguish between humans and animals, and pinpoint a target at 500m in low light. Humans decide whether the SGR-AI fires its machinegun, though it does have an automatic mode.
Role in the Rise: Taking the lead from NSW cops, the SGR-A1 will decide itself if anyone annoying has “crossed the line” and shoot them on the spot.

What's your favourite robot?

User comments

And to think...about 2 decades ago we didn't even have the internet.

You walk into too many places now and they can't answer your question because the machine is down or the machine can't do that. If the machine can't do it or people can't operate without the aid of a machine then we need to reevaluate the need for the machine and get back to commonsense.........I am sick of the mentality that a machine can always do it better, because it can't. Solution......... if a machine doesn't improve service either reprogram the bloody thing or get rid of it for good. Maybe we could resolve the issue by introducing the electronic CEO ....... at least that way we can replace the idiot that agreed to introduce the useless systems just to satisfy their own ever growing wage packets. W eshould all boycott business who fail to satisfy our expectations in this area and then maybe the machine will be replaced with a far simpler machine a human being with a brain capable to apply logic not just programme codes

Well..... I'm sure terminator will end up happening at some stage during 2000-3000. Just when....Let's kick some robot butts...muahahahaha (not relevant but oh well)

You can bet all the psycho robots will make stupid noises. We will all be downloading tunes to try to change the ever irritating bleeps and bings from our clean-bots and robvies. The guy or girl that invents the ultimate mute machine - one which extends to mexican doorbells - is going to be a billionaire.

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