Do your boobs get you into much trouble?
They do more good than bad. They get me out of paying a late fee when I return an overdue DVD, and they get me into clubs.

Do you get into much trouble? Like starting biffs?
I’m more of a vocal fighter than a physical one. Although last weekend this girl came up to me and stuck her hand up my dress, so I gave her a shove and swore at her. Then as I was walking away she slapped me on the arse. It’s always interesting when girls try to hit on you.

If you were going to do a nudie run during a game, how would you go about it?
I’d probably have a few vodkas. Then I’d sneak up to the fence before stripping off and going for it. I’d love to run straight for Shane Crawford.

• For more stunning pics of Melissa, buy the September issue of RALPH. On sale now at newsagents.

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