One-time reality starlet and current Hollywood fixture Sophie Monk talks about her yearning for Australian men, The Hoff and stuffing things in her pants.

We're talking on ANZAC Day, so let’s talk war. You’ve been to Iraq – did you come back with a 1000-mile stare and some shrapnel?
No, I didn’t, but it was pretty full-on. I just entertained the troops; I didn’t shoot anyone. I went all over the country, though – not many people can say that.

You weren’t a bit worried because of all the, like, death and stuff?
Not really, because I was thinking, “It is what it is and I don’t want my fear to get in the way of a one-off experience.” It was very emotional, a lot of the soldiers were crying.

Where did you perform?
All over. I was performing in a mess hall or an industrial hangar. Sometimes there were 20 people. It was a bit personal and with the choreographed dancing, it was a bit weird. I’d be waiting side of stage, except there’s no side of stage. Or stage.

You’re in LA now, making it as an actress. Do you get offered a lot of roles as “Hot Blonde Girl”?
I’ve had a few of those, but I don’t do it unless there’s a point to it, if there’s comedy or something. Otherwise they can get anyone and it doesn’t require any talent.

I heard you had to eat meat to get a role. Isn’t it always the way?
(Laughs) Yeah, I’m a vegetarian and I had to eat burgers for a parody of Paris Hilton’s Carl’s Jr ad. It was disgusting, and they kept bringing out more and more burgers. I love taking the piss out of that kind of stuff, though. Bikini girls in slow motion eating burgers? That’s such bullshit.

Is it true you enjoyed a bit of piss-farting around on the RALPH shoot?
(Laughs) Yes.

In some shots you look a little less than trimmed. Down under.
(Laughs and laughs) I put hair extensions in my undies, kind of hanging out everywhere, and then they started shooting and I sort of twirled over and opened up a little bit and said, “I couldn’t find a razor.” There were all these blonde curls coming out.

And the incident with the pool ball?
(laughs) I was delirious, OK! I’d just got off a plane from LA. The pants I was wearing were so tight, so I got a pool ball and put it in down the front of my pants. I thought it looked so funny. The guy whose pool table it is will probably be running for the disinfectant when he reads this.

Or logging onto eBay. You’ve done a movie with Adam Sandler about a man who has a remote control that fast-forwards and pauses life, yeah?
Yep, and I’m throughout it because I’m David Hasselhoff’s personal assistant, and then I end up being Adam’s assistant. Yeah, it’s funny.

Did The Hoff try to jump your bones?
No, he did not. No way. No wandering hands.

How about Adam? We always hear about co-stars who end up bumping uglies.
I know what you mean, and you have to kiss someone and you’re in bed with them. I can see how it can go there if you’re attracted to each other. It’s like fast-forwarding all the dating and stuff. I haven’t really done it, I don’t know.

Can you get back to us when it happens?
Yeah, but knowing me, I’ll have some fat truckie. I’ll end up in Shallow Hal 2 or something.

Do you like being a relative nobody in the US?
I love it. I hate people knowing me. I don’t mind talking to people and fans, but it makes people not want to go places with you. My brother doesn’t want to go anywhere with me because he gets self-conscious, and I end up going places by myself. And you can never be silly and muck around. That’s not living.

Are you shooting another film soon?
Yep, a movie called Sex and Death 101, from the guy who wrote Heathers. Simon Baker plays the lead and he gets a big magical list of all the people he should have slept with and I’m one of the main ones.

You can test you co-star sex-fling theory.
Stop that, he’s married.

Don’t they say “What happens in LA, stays in LA”?
No, that’s Vegas.

Do you miss Australian men?
Oh my God, yes. Definitely. They’re the coolest. There’s nothing really wrong with American men, but I just don’t think they get my sense of humour. They just don’t realise how cool I am.

I think I speak for all of Australia when I say, you know where we are.
Ben Mckelvey

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