Best known as hapless manager Murray Hewitt, NZ funnyman Rhys Darby gives the lowdown on how to woo women and why the All Blacks keep thumping us in rugby.
What are five ways to woo a babe?
Women like a good dancer. It shows you've got fluidity in your limbs, which should translate to the bedroom. So the first thing I drop into any conversation is, "I like to dance." Always choose a coffee date rather than dinner because with dinner she could be judging you on what meal your order or how you eat.
And talk about them, not
you, and show your interest in them as a species. You can ask them anything, like, "What's your favourite bit in
Flight of the Conchords and why?" Look like you are talking about them but all the time carefully spinning it back to yourself. And end it with, "We should go dancing sometime."
I also like to express my interest in nature. Often I would take them to a cafe with an outside area because of the off-chance of a butterfly landing on me or an ant crawling across the table. I could then show my caring side by gently picking up the insect and sending it on its way.
What about sex before marriage?
Definitely.
Sex after marriage?
Less likely.
What's the most romantic way to propose?
Email. As long as they are in a romantic place at the time — maybe fireworks going off in the country they are in or after a nice meal. That's how I proposed to my wife. She was in Edinburgh, UK, and I was in New Zealand. The beauty of the email is that you also have it on record. You can print it out and you've got the date on it in case she tries to renege.
Can you make a joke at a funeral?
Only at the right time. You can't be stand there as they lower the casket and say, "He was always into mining" or "Going down — next floor, ladies underwear."
Why is there a rivalry between Australia and New Zealand?
It started with sport but as New Zealand grew up and produced a few more things, it's like Australia is the big brother saying, "Okay, now settle down, you can't have that many good bands. Aren't there some Australians in those bands?" And "Russell Crowe, he lives here, he's ours." And when he plays up, it's like, "He's from down your way, isn't he?"
Why do the All Blacks keep thumping Australia in rugby?
They are just so much better. It's a religion in New Zealand.
What's the difference between Australian and New Zealand women?
There's more of them [Australian women], but I would never say one is more attractive than the other, as people in New Zealand would hang me — particularly my wife.
Is time travel possible?
Yes it is, but more about that — last year.
Graham Brown
Tour dates
October 13, 2010: Wrest Point Entertainment Centre, Hobart
www.wrestpoint.com.au/shows
October 14 and 15, 2010: The Tivoli, Brisbane
www.ticketek.com.au
October 16, 2010: Gold Coast Arts Centre, Gold Coast
www.gcac.com.au
October 17, 2010: Her Majesty's Theatre, Adelaide
www.bass.net.au
October 19, 2010: Melbourne Comedy Theatre, Melbourne
www.ticketmaster.com.au
October 20 and 21, 2010: Regal Theatre, Perth
www.ticketek.com.au
October 24, 2010: Canberra Theatre, Canberra
www.canberratheatrecentre.com.au
October 26, 2010: Illawarra Performing Arts Centre, Wollongong
www.merrigong.com.au
October 27, 2010: Enmore Theatre, Sydney
www.ticketek.com.au; or Enmore Theatre on (02) 9550 3666
October 29, 2010: Newcastle Civic Theatre, Newcastle
www.ticketek.com.au
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